Period

Kalo lagi period pasti begini.

Sedih ga ada juntrungannya. Mood jelek banget.

Keep thinking of all those things I want that I can’t have.. At least not yet. That depresses me even more.

Padahal sebenernya sadar bahwa gue orang yang sangat beruntung. Tapi kalo lagi begini semuanya campur aduk. Anxiety, guilt, needs and wants. The ability to cherish what I have are buried beneath all those negative feelings.

Nggak bisa solat, nggak bisa yoga. Nggak ada Aul, dan Azzie udah bobo. Mau makan M&Ms udah gosok gigi dan pastinya takut gendut.

Sigh.

*terus nangis sesenggukan, the ultimate self pity*

Day 9 and a proposal.

That @yogaappstudio is a god send.

The quickie before the session was too.

15 minutes of strength and 30 minutes of balance. Standing Garudasana, combination of all virabadhrasana(s), trikonsanas and the adrachandrasana. Headstand still needed his support.

Went to my best friend’s ‘proposal’ night. The official request from the groom’s family to the bride’s. It’s a traditional thing that I did and I do not want to do again.

She’s going to get married.

We may not have that soon for us, but you told me you will be there. For the long haul. For the rest of our life, together.

Day 8

Did a 30 minutes strength flow. That was great.

Found that the app can play my music play list too. Maroon 5, Fallout Boy, Black Eyed Peas and the Blues Traveller graced my flow.

He came around nine pm and told me the exciting news. So proud of him, so much more in love, so excited for him. We made plans to make it work, and crossed our fingers.

Here’s to the new life. Here’s to the life that we want and fight for. Here’s to the life we are going to live together.

I love you.

Day 7

Found this @yogastudioapp and bought it for USD 2.99. The best 2.99 I’ve ever spent.

Jumped straight into a 30 minutes combination flow. Some balance, strength and flexibility.

Loving it.

The in bed #yoga like activities too.

Day 6

Didn’t exactly do any yoga but did something that is a lot like yoga in bed.

Twice.

Secure life.

Told him today that I want a secure life. Without really knowing what it means, what does it imply and what will it take to have one.

All my life, I have been privileged with the opportunities of making my own decisions, deciding my own fate.

At this point, with the kind of turmoil I’m
going through, I can’t help wondering how it feels to have your life being decided for you, and to have all responsibilities lifted from your shoulders, and life itself is presented to you on a silver platter to be enjoyed, savored, and lived.

I realized that it’s never going to happen, and I know I would hate that kind of life, but I just can’t help wondering.

Day 5

Day 5 was 10 cycles of surya namaskara A, while actually facing the sun, two cycles of all four virabadhrasna combined with trikonasana and vrikshasana with mudhra hands on both sides.

Still accompanied by their voices and the splashes of water.

As I skipped one day on my program due to severe period pain, I felt like I need to make up for it, added a calorie torch and an om alone program from WH magazine, accompanied by Taylor Swift, Pink, Coldplay, Coldplay, Coldplay.

Skipped one, straight to day 4

#backtobasic #yoga day 4 was basic prana shakti yoga focusing on abdominal strength, the usual vinyasa, three cycles of vasisthasina on each side, chaturangga dandasana and urdha mukha svanasan.

Realized that although my left side is less flexible, it’s actually stronger than my right side.

Still shaking much on the navasana, the ultimate nemesis for the flexible ones.

Soundtrack was their voices playing happily in the pool and the occasional splashes of water.

Day 2

#backtobasic #yoga day 2.

I can feel my flexibility returning, not a perfect kurmasana yet, but getting there.

I can feel my strength returning, 20 seconds of chaturangga dandasana, all 3 sets, not getting out of breath.

The playlist for today’s cycle was brought to you by Lifehouse, Maroon 5, Muse, Panic at the Disco and Monica.

The program continues

Did a round of sun salutation while listening to 22.. Toes were tapping all the way. Weird.

#backtobasic #yoga tonight was accompanied by Taylor Swift, Baby Face, Tom Morello, One Direction, and Better then Ezra.